I know, kinda gross. But you know what I mean.

The other day, I was looking at a sore spot on the back of my right hand. My mind said, “Look, it is healing.” And then something darker said, “So, let’s pick that scab and let it be an open sore again.” And that is what I did. The rest of the day, my attention was pulled to that newly awakened wound.

Move this to our spirituality or psychological growth. We are on the move, growing, becoming, healing, understanding…..and then a little corner of the past pops up and we pick, just a quick swipe, until we’ve pulled the new and vulnerable healing off.

I do this. I’m writing about it just to galvanize this reality in my brain and being so I can stop.

So.I.Can.Stop.

So I can do better.

So I can be a partner toward my own healing instead of to my own destruction.

When we have well polished stories and mantras, and we live with other people, it is easy as the other person grows themselves that they are going to trigger us into picking. We may even say, with a little stomp of our foot, “I thought I was over that.” This is victim mentality and it never gets us where we want. An alternative is to stomp the foot and say “I’m triggered again. But this is not where I am now. The scales have tipped into a new way and THAT is how I’m going to respond.” We then either respond from that new way or we apologize for already reverting to the past.

Our growth is not dependent upon the growth of another. They are never the reason we hold ourselves back. We are our own reason we pick the scab open to rewound.

The wound is so known. Our pity is a comfort. It being someone else’s fault is empowering. But it won’t ever get us to where we want to be.

Let’s talk about what you’re picking at. Let’s look at the color, weight, location, texture, name, shape of that wound. Let’s know it so thoroughly that it can never sneak up and surprise us again. We’ll know all of it’s tricks. We’ll be the boss.

Here’s to your inner boss.

Amy