This morning at the coffee shop, I heard two customers whisper about the service, “They are a bit disorganized.” I was aware that the beloved baristas in question have been working at this location for years. It occurred to me, how is it that we can perpetuate our clumsy less-than-best selves for so long? How exhausting is it to repeatedly repeat what we have to then apologize for? I truly love these two baristas. I’ve put a lot of hours on these stools and high top tables. I’ve witnessed a great deal of repeat apologetic performances.
Let’s move off from these baristas. A far more interesting question is, “What do you keep apologizing for in your own life, on repeat?” And WHY?????
My two favorite questions are about showing up and your end story. From those we backtrack to today. What are you doing TODAY that delays, derails, destroys how you show up and what your end story will be?
There is no victimhood. You are capable of choosing a different way of being. Your circumstances may feel restrictive, limiting, monumental. As long as you are putting the blame for your apology-riddled life onto someone or something else….you will not grow. You will not.
Now, I’m not being mean spirited here, nor am I ignorant of the vileness of the world that gets heaped upon people. But as long as we think our woes are someone else’s obligation to fix….we.will.not.grow.
And we’ll keep apologizing.
I love to give a good apology. It is a gift from the Creative to recognize when I’ve made a mistake and to then wholeheartedly apologize. Not the mealy mouthed “If I offended you” apology. No, a full on apology of “I am so sorry I did/said this thing.”
But I’m not talking about that kind of apology here.
I’m talking about apologizing for your basic existence on repeat.
I’m sorry for being disorganized (when you are always disorganized)
I’m sorry for being late (when you’re always late)
I’m sorry for forgetting your order (when you’re always forgetting)
I’m sorry for leaving off that detail (When you’re always leaving of this or that detail)
I’m sorry for saying stupid things (When……)
I’m sorry for letting you down
I’m sorry for not showing up
I’m sorry I didn’t notice
I’m sorry for…..
It is exhausting to keep being sorry, again and again and again.
With courage, we’ll listen to the whispers behind your back. What is being said about you? What can people not say to your face? What do you need to hear for your own good?
Let’s funnel that energy use into figuring out WHY you keep repeating these things. Is it insecurity? Is it lack of self esteem? Is it that you’re in the wrong job? Is it because you need further education? Is it because you’ve not been taught a different way? What is it? Because it is something.
It is something.
We will figure that out, and then we’ll practice new ways. We’ll practice things to say instead. We’ll practice becoming.
You’ll change the whispers behind your back. You’ll begin to whisper in front of your heart. Whispers that say,
“I am good.”
“I am growing.”
“I am not a mistake.”
“I am seeing clearly.”
“I am making progress.”
“I made a mistake and then I corrected it.”
“I am loved by me.”
With love,
Amy